I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
