The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
