I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
