I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there's paper in my vomit.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
