dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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