you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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