I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
