I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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