piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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