what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
