She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
