If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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