You really coming over, don't trick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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