fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
