She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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