I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
