she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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