i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize