I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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