In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize