Soap is not a condiment
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize