I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
