I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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