So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
