As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
