who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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