I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize