Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
