why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
