I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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