Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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