dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
