Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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