i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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