that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize