My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
