I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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