I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
