i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
