Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
