I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
