Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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