OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
