Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
