Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize