I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
