My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
