This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
