Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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