i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
