fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
