My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
