i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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