so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
