Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
