I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize