you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
