She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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