his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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