I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize