...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
