At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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