stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
