I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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