Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
