I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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