Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
