I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
