I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
