Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
