imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
