It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
