Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
