he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize