my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You need a sexual gate keeper
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
