did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
