When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
