So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish you could order shots online.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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